5 September 2013
Mum has become incontinent and it is extremely distressing for
her. When I went into her room I found her crying. She didn’t go to bed last
night in case she had an “accident”. She
doesn’t want to go out with me today; she is too embarrassed to leave her room.
She is also worried that she is going to be evicted because she is “dirty”.
I went and spoke to the care assistant who came and
reassured mum. She was brilliant and so reassuring. She kept saying, “Look at
my face. Does my face looked concerned?”
We tried to reassure mum that this was her home now and that
she couldn’t be evicted, that all the staff were there to help, and that they
weren’t worried if she had an accident.
Mum calmed down but she still didn’t want to go out.
I spoke to the Senior Nurse, who told me how much they loved
mum; that she was no trouble; and how kind and considerate mum was. How mother has changed! Since mum had her stroke it seems that all
the anger, bitterness and resentment have drained away from her. She is a sweet
old lady. I wish I’d met her before. Everyone loves her. And you know what? I do
too.
9 September 2013
Mum is still incontinent and she still doesn’t want to go
out. Eventually I persuaded her to put on the incontinence pad and come out for
coffee.
Mum is losing control of bladder and bowels but not of her
sense of fashion. All her clothes still
have to be colour co-ordinated. A trip out often involves several changes of
outfit before she feels ready to face the public.
I took her to the church coffee morning.. She loved it! She sampled every cake going, and then asked
for a doggie bag! She is a diabetic, but
I thought, “Oh well, she is 91, let her enjoy it.” She was very animated, talking to everyone
who came to sit with her. Everyone loved
her and spoke well of her. How I wish I’d met this woman years ago.
12 September 2013
Took mum out to Powderham Castle, the other side of the
river, for coffee. They do a nice
selection of cakes which my diabetic mother enjoyed.. They also have a nice
farm shop where mum decided to stock up on liquorice.
16 September 2013
Decided to take mum somewhere new for coffee and we went to
a local vineyard that had its own coffee shop. After coffee and cake (crumbs
everywhere; mum is still finding it difficult to find her mouth and I didn’t
want to embarrass her by feeding her) we walked around the farm shop when mum
suddenly announced she was going off to find the toilet. Unfortunately, she
mistook the large walk-in refrigerator for the toilets. Even though frost was coming out and meat
carcasses were hanging up, she still proceeded to walk to the back of the fridge.
Rescued her from the meat fridge and got her to the toilets. Took her home. Only a slight smell of poo in the car. I thought buying all that liquorice last week was a mistake.
19 September 2013
Went to collect mum to take her out. As I arrived I was
taken aside by the Senior Nurse who suggested that if I were taking mum out we
shouldn’t be too far from a toilet. Mum is suffering from incontinence and
diarrhoea. The doctor has prescribed laxatives for mum’s haemorrhoids. That and
the liquorice!
Decided to take mum to the local garden centre for coffee. Once again mum enjoyed tucking into her cake (and mine!). I no longer sit opposite her but beside her. She is finding it increasingly difficult to hold a cup in her one good hand. I have to help; lifting the cup to her lips.
Mum used her other hand to eat her cake and also to cover over tracheotomy tube so that she could speak. Unfortunately, she got cake crumbs on her finger and then sucked the crumbs down her tracheotomy! Mum then went into coughing fit and started shouting out “I’m choking, I’m choking, take out my tracheotomy.” At which point the entire crowded coffee shop turned around to see what the commotion was.
I thought to best not to expose the rest of the clientele to me performing a minor operation in full public view by removing her tracheotomy tube there and then. I got her out to the car before she coughed herself to death
It was at that point that mum announced that she was desperate to go to the toilet. I drove like the clappers back to the Nursing Home, the car only slightly smelling of poo. The incontinence pads seem to be holding up.
Senior Nurse told me that mum now has to wear incontinent pads all the time.
20 September 2013
Took mum out to a garden centre / retail outlet. She
insisted on buying me a hat: a brown leather Indiana Jones type thing which
mother insisted made me look like Anthony Eden. (UK Prime Minister from 1955 –
1957). Although she didn’t buy anything
for herself she took great delight in trying on all the lady’s hats. Mum is
deteriorating fast but she still retains her new found sense of fun.
23 September 2013
Mum is incontinent and refusing to leave her room. She
needed to be near a toilet. No amount of persuading would make her change her
mind. She kept saying “what will people say?”
She is convinced that all the other residents know that she is
incontinent.
26th September 2013
Mum is incontinent and refusing to leave her room. She
needed to be near a toilet. No amount of persuading would make her change her
mind. She is embarrassed. She has been
trying to hide the fact that she is incontinent by hand washing her clothes,
trousers and all. I kept telling her that she lived in a “hotel” and that she
had “staff” to do all her washing. She is not convinced.
I fear that our regular trips out to coffee shops are coming
to an end.
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