4 August 2013
Today my cousin came to visit. He arrived about 2:30pm. I
went into mum’s room first to prepare the way. She was still in her nightdress and
very, very muddily and tearful. She didn’t want to see her nephew. “I don’t
want him to see me like this” she kept saying.
In the mean time my cousin and his wife had stepped into the room and
could hear her saying, “Tell them to go away! Tell them to go away!”
I tried to comfort her. She put her arms around me, held me
tight, and put her head on my shoulder and cried like a little girl. It
reminded me of when my own children where young, were scared and frightened and
needed a hug. It broke my heart to see my mother life this. It brought tears to
my eyes, and we wept together.
Eventually, I calmed her down and she let my cousin in and
sit with her. Once she started to smile,
I left them together.
5 August
My daughter and her family have come to stay and we all took
mum out for a pub lunch. Once again, mum had trouble using her knife and fork.
In fact she was so confused that she tried to use a piece of lettuce as a
knife; using it to scoop food onto her fork. I had to help her. She also had
difficulty getting food to her mouth. My grandson sat opposite. I’m not sure if
he was intrigued or frightened.
When I took her back to the nursing home mum very
appreciative, and gave me a big “thank you” hug. I can never remember mum
hugging me like this before. This really
touched me and I tried to hold back the tears.
8 August
Mum very distressed. The first thing she said when I walked
into her room was, “Have they told you?” “Have they told me what?” I said. “I
can’t tell you”, she replied.
Eventually, she told me what had happened. She’d had an “accident”
in the night and soiled her bed. She was very, very upset about it and very,
very embarrassed. She was so ashamed that she wants to move. “What will people
think of me?” she kept saying. I kept reassuring her. I finally got to the
bottom of the problem. (Excuse the pun.). She was worried that she would be
evicted from the home. I assured her that this was her home now and that no one
was going to throw her out.
Eventually she calmed down and we went out for coffee. Whenever
I take mum out now, I have to comb mum’s hair for her. She does the front bit, but the rest is wild.
This is a bad sign. Mum has always taken great pride in her appearance. Another
sign that she is deteriorating rapidly/
12 August 2013
Mum is getting thinner and thinner: none of her clothes fit.
My wife and I took her into Exeter clothes shopping. We found some trousers that mum liked. My
wife took mum into the changing room to help her, (Mum needed help with buttons,
etc). My wife helped mum off with her trousers, and to her horror discovered
that mum had no knickers on! Hurriedly
bought some knickers for mum to put on before she tried on any more clothes!
We then took mum to lunch at the Spanish Tapas bar. I had to
help mum cut her food up. Mum has always enjoyed exotic food, so she thoroughly
enjoyed herself.
When we got back to the nursing home mum announced to
everyone that she’d been up to London shopping, in the West End.
She was very appreciate of being taken out and again thanked
me profusely.
13 August 2013
Had to take mum to the hospital for a check up. When I arrived,
mum was ready and waiting. But remembering our last shopping expedition I asked
a member of staff to see if mum had any knickers on. She hadn’t! So we were delayed leaving whilst got mum
undressed and redressed.
The Hospital was very pleased with mum. The Nursing Home
have done wonders. She no longer needs to use a sucking machine for her
tracheotomy and they make sure she takes her medication and uses the nebuliser.
17 August 2013
Mum very distressed. As soon as I walked in, she said, “Why
have you come? Have they told you?” Mum has messed herself again in the night.
The staff were brilliant. They were in no way judgemental; they’d
just cleaned everything up. Mum was
crying when her “personal assistant” came in.
The carer got down on her knees, looked mum in the eye and said, “Look
at my face. Is my face bovvered? Bovvered? Face? Face? Bovvered? If I’m not bovvered, why are
you bovvered? If I’m not crying, why are you crying?”
I spoke to the Nursing Home Manager. They love mum. (Can’t say that of about any
of the other places that mum has lived.) Mum is the cleanest resident they
have. They said they would continue to reassure mum.
As well as taking mum out to coffee shops, we now go out to
pubs for a brandy. I took her to my local pub where I used to take my father-in-law.
The barman and the other customers all greeted me and welcomed mum. “I like
this place”, she said in a loud voice. “There’s nothing special about it, but I
like it.”
29 August 2013
Mum was very distressed. She was confused and muddled and
knew that she was. She has asked me to get rid of her sewing machine. She has
come to accept that she will never be able to sew again. Instead she wants to
take up knitting and knit me a jumper. I had to explain that because of the
stroke, she has lost control over her right hand. So she thought she would take
up painting again. Again, I had to explain that she unable to use her right
hand properly. It’s very sad. Mum is
unable to do any of the creative things she loves to do. She is slowly closing down. She has even lost
interest in watching TV. When Jeremy
Kyle and day-time reality TV no longer interests her, things are serious.
30 August 2013
I have bought mum a tablet
computer and have put all her photographs on it. I’m using it as a “memory
bank” to remind her of happy days. It also gives us something to talk about
otherwise her conversation goes around in a loop.
Everywhere I take mum she says “We’ve been here before. I
remember this. So I can’t be going mad”.
Unfortunately, she says it about places she’s never been before. I don’t
contradict her in case it distresses her even more.
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