1 November 2010
Mother phoned me all bright and breezy to tell me that my
cousin and his wife, were coming to see them. She makes no mention of my sister,
who is flying back home today at 1pm today.
2 November 2010
Popped into my parents to discover that mum had been to the
hospital today for another endoscopy.
Results are all clear. Why didn’t
she tell me she was going? She avoids telling me how she got there. I am
beginning to suspect that she has another “Carer” that I don’t know
about and that she isn't as neglected as she makes out. We avoided mentioning my
eldest sister’s disastrous visit. In fact her only topic of conversation was my
cousin and how wonderful he is. Mum does this sort of thing when she wants to
make me feel guilty.
Dad looked awful today. He had a thumping headache but said
it wasn't a migraine. I gave him a couple of paracetamol and told him to go to
bed. I think it is stress, living with mum.
Mum thinks she is an expert on tracheotomy care. I've been trying
to encourage her to keep her tracheotomy covered at all times in order to
prevent germs and infections. But she knows best even though her tracheotomy is
emitting a foul stench that could kill a dog at 50 yards. The sacrifices I make
kissing her goodbye. It’s a wonder I've not been overcome by the fumes.
6 November 2010
Visited my parents and was met with a frosty, “Have you been
away?” This is mother’s standard way of
criticising me for not visiting as often as she thinks I should.
I simply say, “No. Why?”
“Because, we’ve both been sick in bed for the past week.”
“That’s strange, because you weren’t sick in bed when my
sister came to stay. You weren’t sick and in bed when your nephew came on
Monday and you weren’t sick in bed when I came to visit you on Tuesday; and
today is only Saturday.”
Frosty silence. Mother doesn’t like to be contradicted.
She has cancelled her appointment with the Head and Neck
pre-treatment team at the Hospital re her tracheotomy. She has now “given up” because “she hasn’t
long to live.” More guilt being piled on.
11 November 2010
Visited Parents. Even frostier. Mum has phoned my eldest
sister. Mum now knows that I know everything that happened during my sister’s
visit. She says that she is not going to waste her breath telling me her side of
the story – which is a relief! (Mum had been up to her old tricks of back seat
driver, insisting to go places that were "just down the road", when they were in
fact the other side of the county. Mum doesn’t like not getting her own way.)
If mum has spoken to my sister on the phone it means that my
sister’s star is rising. Which means that mine must be falling. Something is
brewing!
I had really popped in to give dad his war medals, which I
had been looking after for him. He plans to wear them at the local War Memorial
parade on Sunday. Mum immediately
complained, “Why is he going to the war
memorial? He didn’t do anything during the war! I risked my life on the ACAC
guns in Coventry.”
I explained to mum that dad’s medals were the Africa Star
and the France and Germany Star, and that he had fought on the front line in
North Africa and Europe. Mum hates to be outdone. She then announced that she
has bowel cancer. How did she know? “Because I know”, she said, irritably. I think
she’s having problems with her haemorrhoids again.
14 November 2010
Severe frost today in Exmouth. Took my wife with me to visit
mum & dad. Given the recent frosty atmosphere I thought there might be
safety in numbers. Mum was in a flap; dad had gone off to the War memorial
(wearing his medals) and didn’t come back for 3 hours! After the Memorial service he’d taken himself
off to Tescos, (Without her knowledge or permission.)
Mum still insisted that dad hadn't done as much as she had in
the war. Dad then showed us the war scar on his shin. Apparently, he was kicked
by a chicken in Libya. Dad’s
disappearance for 3 hours had obviously unsettled mum because she brought up
the business of dad fraternising with German women when he was in Lükeck. (65 years ago.) She said she knew he fraternised with the enemy because, after they were married, she’d found women’s letters from Germans and had burnt them. Thought wistfully about what life could
have been like if I’d a German Frau Mutter (mother).
15 November 2010
My wife went to the doctors today for a check up. Her usual doctor
was on holiday and by chance she saw my mother’s doctor. Noticing the surname,
he casually asked my wife how she was getting on her with mother-in-law. He
understood exactly what my mother was like. Apparently, he had been in contact
with her previous physicians and they had all confirmed what a difficult woman
she was. I don’t feel so bad.
My youngest sister arrives today from the other side of the
world, so mum & dad were in a good mood. I collected them to take them to meet her.
I now know what my eldest sister went through when she’d taken them to
Cornwall. We had a running commentary of the state on my and other drivers’
driving for the whole journey.
“Why have we been stuck in this traffic jam so long? They
ought to have traffic lights at this junction.”
“There are traffic lights at this junction. Look in front,
they are on red. That’s why we are not moving.”
Or
“The car in front has stopped and his left indicator is
flashing. Why don’t you overtake him?”
“Because he’s turning left and so am I.”
We arrived at the bus station and managed to park. No disabled
parking or access, so dad decided to stay in the car whilst I walked mum round
to the bus station. There was no sign of the National Express bus from London
Airport so mum & I sat in the waiting room. After about 15 minutes, a tall,
curly dark haired woman came up and said “hello”. Mum looked at me wondering who
this strange woman was and did I know her. My sister and I hadn't seen each other for 5 years. But
it was much longer for mum because she wasn't speaking to her when my sister she
emigrated ½ way round the world.
Arranged to see them all tomorrow.
16 November 2010
13:21 Text from my sister. “Mum not slept well. Have left
them to have some quiet time. Mum is weepy. She is stressed out so am staying
out of the away in the guest room downstairs.”
14.00. I went over to take my sister out whilst the parents
rested. When I got there, mum had made a miraculous recovery. She doesn't want
me to spend any one-to-one time with my sister. I suspect she doesn't want us
talking about her behind her back. Little does she know I email this diary to
my siblings. I took them to see the sea at Budleigh Salterton and then a cream
tea: scones, lashing of cream and jam. Mum is making the most of the "little
time she has left".
18 November 2010
14:30 Took my sister and parents out for afternoon tea again
19:31 Text message
from sister: “I think I might have fallen out with mum.”
20:33 Text message from sister: “Mum’s told me to pack my bags and go to bed.
Do you want to go out for a drink?” My sister has now been here 4 days without
committing matricide. What self control!
Went over and collected my sister from her guest room,
hoping my parents didn't notice my car parked outside. Spent a nice couple of
hours catching up on news and sampling the delights of Jack Daniels.
My middle sister arrives
in December. We took bets on whether mother could make it a hat trick and fall
out with all three daughters in consecutive visits. (She will of course fall
out with me over Christmas. I live here so she doesn't really need a reason.
19 November 2010
Happily, dad was prepared to come to see his daughter off. Discovered that mum had NOT said goodbye to my
sister, and had not even given her breakfast!
It was an emotional farewell, especially for dad. I think he
knew that this was a final goodbye and that he would never see her again. He
wept on the way home in a way that only a broken hearted dad can when he knows
he will never see his daughter again.
22 November 2010
Although mum has haemorrhoids the size of cauliflowers, she
has cancelled her appointment with the woman doctor she specifically asked to
see about them, she is “OK”.
25 November 2010
My wife and I visited my parents. (Safety in numbers again) Mum still going on about “Your sister” not
saying goodbye and that her blood pressure is now sky high at 160. My wife made the mistake of saying that her
mother had blood pressure of 193. If looks could kill!
Good news, mum has taken to heart my suggestion to keep her
silver tracheotomy tubes clean. She now keeps a tin of Goddard’s Silver Polish
in the bathroom. They still smell but at least they are shiny.
30th November
Dad has written a stinking letter to “your sister”. Dad is well known for his letters – and he
always keeps a copy to show other people. We have all received them over the
years. Come to that, so has the Daily
Express. It is a well known fact that
mum loads the gun and dad fires it. Left
to himself, dad would never write such letters, but because my mother can’t
spell, she gets him to write them.
My sister had taken time off work and flown half way round
the world to shown love and concern, but mum can’t see this act of
selflessness. Mum is now accusing my sister of stealing one of her paintings
from off the wall!
As her children, we have often made the mistake of assuming
that because mother has given you something, it must be yours, when the truth
is she has only lent it to you and can demand it back at any time. She had
already done this with my eldest sister with this very same painting of the old fisherman! Giving
it to her and then demanding it back. My
youngest sister had received this gift from mum when she a in a good mood. Now
she was in a bad mood, my sister had “stolen” it. Mum’s distorted thinking
makes you feel that you are the guilty one. We will return to this story in 2012.
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