1 March 2012
Took mum shopping to buy a new single bed. Found a nice
single divan bed with drawers. Delivery
within the next few days. They will take away the old double bed for free!
3 March 2012
Have discovered that, without telling me, my mother has
bought a second-hand bed that she saw advertised in the local paper. She says
it’s cheaper than the one we’ve ordered from the shop. It is being delivered
tomorrow. They will not take away the old double bed! Hurriedly phoned around to find someone to take
the old bed to the dump. The cost of
taking the old bed away outweighs the savings on the second-hand bed. I then
had to go back to the shop and try and cancel the order and get the money back
on the new bed.
4 March 2012
Double bed taken away, lumpy second hand delivered. (I
wonder who died in it.)
5 March 2012
Have discovered how my mother knows that my brother-in-law
phones his mother every Sunday morning at 10am. Mum phoned and asked her!!!!
Took mum to the supermarket to buy some food. Got the essentials:
red nail varnish and some sushi. After her comment to me last week about not
telling anyone my age when we were out, I told her to brighten herself up because
I don't want people to think I have a mother as old as she is. I suggested that
she put some of the nail varnish on her cheeks to see if we can put some colour
in them. (She really must stop putting egg white on her face. It does not
remove wrinkles and it makes her face look like a meringue.)
Her list of conversation topics today were:
- She wants to move.
- She wants an electric
scooter. (Another one! Having bought one after dad died, she discovered
there was nowhere to park it or plug it into recharge. Parking it round
the back in the communal garden, with an electric cable running in through
the bedroom window, wasn’t really practical so she gave it away.)
- She wants to move.
- She wants to cancel her
phone service (No one ever phones. Strange because I know my sister has
phoned twice in the last few days.)
- She wants to move.
- Complaining that the hospice
nurses only come round once a week. (Don’t they know how ill she is?)
- She wants to move.
- Complaining that her
friends in Salterton went to Spain for a week. (Where did they get their
money from?)
- She wants to move.
- She’s lonely and doesn’t
see anyone. (I asked her if she went to the coffee morning in the communal
lounge. She’d been once but there was not much conversation because there
were only 7 people there. I pointed out that that was 7 more than she
usually has to talk to.)
- She wants to move.
- She wants to die.
10 March 2012
Mum complained about lumpy second hand bed. She can’t sleep.
15 March 2012
Mum again brought up the subject of her stolen painting.
This has been rumbling on for over a year now. She complained that one of my
sisters has stolen her painting. One of them (she can’t remember which one)
took it off her wall without asking. Yes, just walked off with it without mum
seeing who it was. This is the painting
mum gave to my eldest sister, and then asked for it back and promptly gave it
to my youngest sister. Mum is having none of it. It has been stolen.
Mum reminded me that my brother-in-law phones his mother
every Sunday morning at 10am.
20 March 2012
Social Services came today to assess mum so that we can plan
her future Care Needs. Because mum is
able to dress, wash, and cook for herself and doesn't need night time
supervision, they said she doesn’t need a Nursing Home or a Care Home, but recommend
a "Half Way" care alternative.
8th April 2012
Took my grandson to visit his great grandmother. Mum always behaves herself around small children.
13 April 2012
Today I took mum to see a "sheltered bed-sit".
There are no nurses or care staff on hand. She would have her own en-suite room, with her
own furniture. Mum would be responsible for providing her own breakfast, but
members of staff provide a mid-day meal and evening tea in the communal dining
room. The staff would also be responsible for cleaning her room twice a week,
doing all her laundry and shopping for personal items. Mum was very pleased at the thought that she
was going to be pampered and not have to worry any more about cooking, cleaning,
laundry, etc.
The room was large and contained what I thought was a double
wardrobe, which turned out to be a kitchenette with a sink, a small fridge,
shelves, drawers and room for kettle & microwave. It also had a single
wardrobe, built-in.
The room was on the ground floor with a view overlooking the
carpark, which mum thought was perfect because she could be nosey and see who
was coming and going. There was a bus stop outside that would take mum into
town and there was also a parade of shops opposite.
The staff and residents were very welcoming. We joined the
other 12 residents for afternoon tea and they all spoke to mum. This seems an ideal place. I told the House
Manager that I would get my mum to sleep with anyone if it meant we could
secure a place here.
We need to fill in an application form, have a formal
interview and wait for the Trustees to make a decision within the next two
weeks.
15 April 2012
Although no decision has been made, mum has started packing.
16 April 2012
Went to visit mum. The budgie had gone! I knew its days were
numbered when she kept complaining that it refused to climb onto her finger. I
think it also developed some sort of mental illness: it kept banging its head
against the mirror. (I know from personal experience that my mother can do that
to you). She said she’d given the budgie
to "some old dear aged about 60" !!!!
18 April 2012
Mum and I had a formal interview at the Home. They wanted to
assess if she will fit in. Hoped and prayed she’d keep her tongue and attitude
under control.
Checked with current Landlord. She needs to give a month’s
notice. Although, of course, she will not wait that long to move out! She is
already making plans to buy a new bed with draws, just like the one I ordered
and then had to cancel because she went and bought a lumpy second hand one
without consulting me.
Afterwards I took her to a farm shop to do some shopping and
have a coffee. I ordered mum cappuccino with no chocolate sprinkles. When the
coffee arrived it had sprinkles. I explained that mum was diabetic. The waitress
offered to make a new one but after a long discussion mum decided a few
sprinkles wouldn't do much harm. Whilst mum was in the toilet, I took her
shopping to pay at the till. Waitress was now on checkout. She took each item out
and scanned it.
Girl: Who are
these toffees for?
Me: My mum's
bought them.
Girl: Who are
these chocolate covered almonds for?
Me: My mum
Girl: Who are
these chocolate liquors for?
Me: My mum
Girl: Who are
these chocolate mints for?
Me: My mum.
Girl: Who is this
bar of chocolate for?
Me: My mum.
Girl: Who is this
marmalade for?
Me: My mum.
Girl: I thought
your mum was a diabetic. Are you sure you should be letting her have all these?
Me: Let's put it
this way. She either goes into a diabetic coma or she'll give them all to me.
Either way it's a win-win situation.
At least I made mum put back the 1/2 lb of smoked salmon.
19 April 2012
Mum takes great delight in telling people that she made
clothes for Marks & Spencer’s. This is, of course, totally untrue and part
of her false memory syndrome. What possibly could be true is that we complained
about her making our clothes and longed to have clothes that fitted properly in
a design of our choice bought from a shop.
Mum was telling this story to the Long-Term Care Nurse when
I arrived. So I said that mum was a woman ahead of her time. Years before India
developed sweatshops for children, she was already enslaving her kids. I can
remember being forced to turn collars and belts inside out with a knitting
needle, cut off loose threads and tidy up bits from the floor. And note, I did
all this this whilst looking after my sisters, bottle feeding two of them,
noticing physical deformities that mum had failed to see on my 3 year old
sister and generally tormenting the life out of them. (Sweatshops can turn you
into a psychopath.)
Took mum to Home for a formal interview with the Trustees. We
met with two very kind and patient ladies who asked lots of sensible questions
that mum completely ignored. She told them how she'd been a guinea pig and gone
on the stage for doctors to examine her and pass their exams; how she'd worked
for Marks & Spencer; how she'd made Anthony Eden's suits before the war;
how her children wouldn't let her make them clothes because they wanted shop
bought clothes (ungrateful wretches).
Fortunately I was on hand to answer questions.
They offered mum a place, on the spot! Went straight away
and bought her a new bed with drawers. The identical one I'd bought for her a
couple of months ago and then had to cancel. We are having it delivered
straight to her new address.
Then took her out to a coffee shop to celebrate. She ordered
a cappuccino, telling the waiter no chocolate sprinkles, because she is
diabetic, and a large slice of sticky lemon drizzle cake. (I told the waiter
not to worry as I'd probably end up eating it - which is what happened)
Had great difficulty getting mum to think sensibly about
what she will take with her. She decided not to take her sewing machine that
folds neatly away in a table. Apparently, she's going to have my wife’s sewing
machine on permanent loan. (News to us). Mum has convinced herself that she's
going to be dress-maker by appointment to the Home. She has it all planned; she is going to spend
her time taking up hems, letting out waists and making stylish outfits for
residents and staff alike.
20 April 2012
Mum has some concerns about the place where is going to live.
Mum: Where will I
keep my spin dryer?
Me: Why are you
taking your spin dryer?
Mum: I didn't see
any washing lines.
Me: Mum, they do
all your washing for you. Every week a lady comes and collects your sheets and
clothes, then washes, dries and irons them.
Mum: What!
Someone washes my knickers? I've never had anyone do that!
Me: Yes, don't
you remember? Last week you thought it was a good idea being looked after and
having someone coming in twice a week doing your cleaning.
Mum: What! Doing
my dusting & hoovering? What am I going to do all day? I shall go crazy!
Me: You said
you'd be able to look out the window and pass the time watching the world going
past.
Mum: Have you
looked out that window? It overlooks the car park. That woman who interviewed
us parked her car right under my window!
Me: That's right.
That's because it’s the car park. You knew that last week when we came to view
the room.
Mum: But I
thought the room was up-stairs.
Me: The room is
still in the same place as it was last week, on the ground floor.
Mum: And the
lounge was empty. Where was everyone?
Me: People have
their own bed-sits with their own TV’s, they get the bus and they go out
places. This is not the sort of place where people sit all day in the lounge.
Mum: But that's
why I'm coming here - to meet people.
Me: They get
together in the lounge for morning coffee, afternoon tea and pre-dinner drinks.
Mum: Why did you
have to go and tell that women that I drink brandy. What will she think?
Me: I only told
her you drink brandy because she asked if you'd like to join them for the
pre-dinner drinks. The have a drinks cupboard in the dining room.
(Now taking odds on how long she'll last at this place.)
Took mum back home.
Mum: I'll sell
the fridge and cooker. Can you get someone to take them away?
Me: You can't
sell the fridge or cooker - they don't belong to you.
Mum: What do you
mean they don't belong to me?
Me: Mum, they are
part of the fixtures and fittings. They come with the flat.
Mum: Well, I
suppose they'll charge me for those oven rings, it's not my fault they've gone
rusty.
Me: Yes it is.
Mum: I phoned the
hardware shop and they told me they go like that.
Me: Yes, they
told me that they go like that when you scrub them with bleach and Brillo pads.
Mum: I'll have to
get a smaller TV.
Me: Why?
Mum: Mine's too
big. I want the new place to feel homely.
Me: It feels homely
in your room now. It will feel homely in your bed sit.
(I didn't mention the fact that when we moved to Devon we
had a brand new 42” TV that someone gave us. Finding their TV too small, mum
& dad asked if they could borrow it and within weeks had given it away!)
Mum: Will the
removal men bring packing boxes?
Me: What removal
men? You're having the bed delivered so there's only your TV, a bureau and a
chair, plus your clothes.
Mum: Come and
see, I've sorted all my clothes out and I’m giving a load to charity.
We go to look.
Me: Mum, you've
still got a double wardrobe full of clothes!
Mum: That's
alright, there's a double wardrobe where I'm going.
Me: No, mum, that
was the hide-away kitchen. There was a single wardrobe next to it.
Mum: No there
wasn't.
Me: Yes there was.
Oh dear. Time I went home.
21 April 2012
I spent the whole morning moving arm chairs around her lounge until she
was satisfied about the one she would take with her when she moves. The one she
eventually decided she was taking is now conveniently by the side of the fire
and where she can see her TV. Pushed the other chairs together in the corner of
the room ready for the second hand men to take them away.
23 April 2012
Blow me, if she hasn't moved all the chairs back to where
they were! No wonder she is feeling tired and ill.
The good news is that she has begun to sort through her
possessions. What luck! She is giving me her Chinese vase. This, she tells me,
is "worth a lot of money" and should be taken care of. I turned it
over and yes - it had Korean hieroglyphics stamped on the bottom - right next
to where it said "dish-washerable".
She continues to complain about all the pain she is in. When
I asked, she told me that she'd been taking her medication. She has taken 8
pain-killer pills from the prescription issued three weeks ago. She is supposed
to be taking 8 every day. She said she doesn't like the side effects. They make
her "feel funny". If only!
She has already emptied the contents of the freezer.
Goodness knows what she’s done with all those ready meals I bought.
I refused to buy any more bleach and Brillo pads and said
that under no circumstances was she to clean the cooker hobs again. She is still in denial about her scraping off
the protective coating and making them go rusty.
26 April 2012
The signs have been coming for a while. A storm is on its
way. Mum shouted at me for “taking over” - she's moved lots of times before and
knows what to do. I explained as calmly as I could, that although she'd moved
lots of times, all she had to do was pack. Dad did all the running around and
the paper work. So, although I had just arrived, I had spent two hours
arranging removal men, letter to terminate tenancy, phone calls to Electric
people, arranging delivery of bed, phone calls to the Pension people and the
telephone people to arrange a new number for when she moves.
Mum: Why did you
bother getting a new phone number? No one ever phones me. Your brother-in-law
phones his mother every Sunday morning 10am.
Me: "We got
you a new phone number so you could phone them!" (Sometimes I can be so
brave.)
I think the real problem is that mum is suffering from
restless shoppers syndrome. She wants to go and buy things like bleach and Brillo
pads so that she can take the next layer of protective coating off the hobs.
Mum: I haven't
done anything to those hobs. I phoned the shop and they said they’re like that.
Me: Yes, they
told me the same. They go like that where you scour them with Brillo pads and bleach.
She still wants to buy a "smaller" TV. She can't
get into her head that her bedsit is bigger than her current lounge. And anyway
they don't make small TVs these days. She still wants to buy a portable sewing
machine. How is she going to lift it? She complained of "gruesome"
pain in her back and legs. I counted her pills. She is still not taking the
painkillers.
Mum: I don't like
the side effects.
Me: The side
effects are a pain-free body!
27th April 2012
Mum: I hate it
here. When will I know if I can move out?
Me: What do you
mean? You are moving next week. I told you yesterday. We have now completed all
the paper work, contracts, and paid a deposit. The removal men are coming next
Thursday.
Mum: I think I
need a new bed - one with drawers in.
Me: Mum, we
bought that last week!
Mum: It's a shame
really, the bed I've got now was new.
Me: Yes, it was
new once, but not when you bought it. Some old lady died in it and it was so
lumpy, we had to turn the matress over.
Mum; Well, I've
sorted all my clothes out.
We went into her bedroom to take a look.
Me: No mum,
you've still got a double wardrobe full of coats and things. You've only got a
small wardrobe where you are going.
Mum: No, it's a
big double one.
Me: No mum.
That's your hideaway Kitchen!! (How many times must I tell her?)
In the end I said I would go to her new place and measure
the wardrobe and floor space. Mum gave me her measuring tape and I went.
I measured the small narrow wardrobe. I measured the length
of room. Then I noticed something strange. Mum's tape measured only goes up to
59". Wonder why she'd cut off the last inch. Had to re-calculate. Measured
length of room. Then noticed something strange. Mum's tape measure starts at 3
inches. For some reason, she's also cut off the first two inches. Anyway, it
explains a lot about why when she takes in my trousers they still don't fit.
Re-calculated the wardrobe. It is now only 24" wide instead of 26".
Gave up re-calculating floor area.
28 April 2012
Mum is gob-smacked that her new wardrobe is only 24 inches
wide. She is facing the trauma of downsizing her clothes. It is bad enough that
she is giving up the pots and pans that she's had since she was married (all Teflon
stainless steel and in pristine condition) and the family bible she's had since
she got married in 1948. (New English Bible. Publishing date 1970.)
She was also in some distress because in her haste to pack
her knickknacks, she dropped the statue of a seated little old lady. Given to
her by one my sisters, it has been reattributed as a gift from my father. She
remembers him giving it to her because he said it was "only cheap", like
her. When she dropped it the head came off but I've managed to glue it together.
It now has a slight tracheotomy so it really is like her.
I'm still refusing to take her out to buy a smaller TV and a
portable sewing machine.
Took
her out for a coffee somewhere “posh”. She hadn't had any breakfast so decided
to have a ham sandwich. It came with a huge pile of salad, which she didn't
want. Anyway, waste not want not. When the waitress wasn't looking, she scraped
the whole lot into her handbag
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