29 November 2011
When my mother told me
last week that my cousin had invited her to go and stay with him, it was in
fact wishful thinking. I noticed her packed bag was still in her bedroom. I
think she just wanted to be ready in case he asked.
She has spent the weekend
shredding all of dad’s papers. I wonder why? Fortunately, I had already rescued
his “treasures” and all the financial paperwork. She said she wants me to return all the
bank statements.
30 November 2011
I took the bank
statements to mum this morning. Rang the doorbell. Mum opened the door just a
crack, took the folder and closed the door. She didn’t say anything. Didn’t
invite me in. Just took the folder and closed the door.
This afternoon I had a
phone call from mum. She’d received a letter from dad’s life insurance people.
She doesn't understand. Can I help?
1 December
I collected the offering
box from the undertakers, containing the money people had donated at the
Funeral Service and took it to mum. She opened the door to let me in, but
turned away as I tried to kiss her on the cheek. I gave her the offering box,
which was clearly marked “Horace Napper - Donations to Cancer Research”. I
said, "The Crematorium gave me this last Friday". She shook it
violently and said, "Why do your father's ashes rattle?"
.
I persuaded mum to do a
pre-paid funeral plan and to write a will. Realising that dealing with all the
financial and legal stuff was beyond her, she gave me back the bank statements
and dad’s death certificate.
When I left she said, “Thank
you”! But still no kiss.
I then went to the
undertakers and thanked them for being so helpful and got a form to fill in to
arrange and pay for mum's funeral. They also said that my dad’s ashes had
arrived from the crematorium and that they would send me a brochure for
appropriate urns that will match mum's curtains.
2 December 2011
I think my mother has
fallen out with my middle sister (i.e. the only sister, according to mother,
who really loved her). But on a positive
note I feel my star is rising. I have gone
up from -100 to -99.
3 December 2011
Spoke too soon.
Apparently, according to my mother, I have stolen my father’s ashes and won’t
let her have them. She is still upset
about the “strangers” (i.e. dad’s family) that I invited to the funeral.
My youngest sister phoned
my mother to discover that mum was planning to run away to Tintagel, Cornwall.
When my sister suggested that she let people know, she just said, “Your father
and me were always on our own”. We think
my youngest sister has now moved up to top favourite child whilst the rest of
us languish in the minus 90s
Cheered myself up by
writing a limerick.
There once was an old
lady of Budleigh
Whose temper became
increasingly curmudgeonly
Through not taking her
pills
She increased all
her ills
And her mind became
terribly muddlely
5 December 2011
Filled in pre-paid
funeral plan with mum. She only wants "family" at her funeral. No
unknown cousins. And she definitely doesn’t want anyone standing up saying things
about her.
She has started to think
about her will and who has what. The stuffed cat that sits by her fire is to go
to my oldest grandson. Lucky boy.
She was not feeling very
good and in a lot of pain. I don’t think she is eating properly. I went to the
bank and transferred everything into mum's name and then went to mum's doctors
and registered myself as her next of kin.
I did some shopping and took mum back a ready meal – curry. "Ooo! I
never had curry when your father was alive" she said. I think I have just
moved up from -99 to -98.
6 December 2011
AM. Phone call from mum
Mum: Where have
you been? I've been waiting in all day to collect your father's ashes.
Me: But we weren't
collecting dad's ashes today.
Mum: Yes, we were.
I've been ready all day.
Me: No. Remember I
told you that we can't collect dad's ashes until we have ordered the urn.
Mum: But you said
we were going to collect his ashes today.
Me: No I didn't. I
said that they are going to send us a catalogue. We will choose an urn and then
it will take a couple of weeks.
Mum: Why can't we
collect his ashes today?
Me: Because we
haven't ordered the urn yet. They will send us a catalogue. We will choose an
urn and then it will take a couple of weeks.
Mum: Where's all
my money?
Me: What do you
mean?
Mum: You've taken
all my money
Me: No, mum.
You've spent all your money.
Mum: I had over
£500 in the flat.
Me: Yes, mum. In
the past two weeks you have spent over £500. You gave given me £100 to look
after for when you need it because you were afraid you might fritter that away
too, and you have £40 in your purse.
Mum: What have you
done with my bank card?
Me: You gave me
your bank card to look after because you didn't know how to use it.
Mum: Your father
always made sure that I had plenty of money.
Me: You have
plenty of money and it is safely in the bank.
Mum: I haven't any
money to go shopping
Me: You've got £40
in cash if you need to buy groceries.
Mum: I haven't any
money to go shopping.
Me: Are you going shopping today?
Mum: No
Me: Are you going
shopping tomorrow?
Mum: No
Me: Are you going
shopping on Thursday?
Mum: No
Me: Are you going
shopping on Friday?
Mum: No. But I'm
not going to let you lot get your hands on my money.
Me: There is no
need for us to get our hands on your money. You're leaving it all to your
grandchildren anyway.
Silence. She’d put the phone
put down.
PM. Phone call from mum.
She wants me to take all her "papers" over. (Again !) She also said
that the doctor has told her that the pains she's experiencing in her body is
the cancer growing. It's spurred her on
to set her affairs in order and make a will.
7 December 2011
My middle sister’s
birthday but mum is choosing to ignore it.
We had a long discussion over
the sort of urn to put dad's ashes in. She wanted some hideous container that
looked like a Ming Vase but with a Laura Ashley blue floral design. She seemed
to think that her ashes would also be put in it and then the whole urn buried.
I explained that they didn't bury the urn but tipped out the ashes into the hole.
"In that case," she said, "One of you kids can re-use it". I
managed to persuade her to go for something wooden.
Then we had a long discussion
of what shade of wood to have. She wants to keep him on the mantelpiece, which
is a pale sort of wood. I asked if it was appropriate to keep dad's ashes in
such a hot place. Mum doesn't do irony. I also asked if she really wanted dad’s
ashes in her line of sight when she was watching Judge Judy and Jeremy Kyle on TV.
She decided to put it on the china dresser which is a slightly darker wood. So
we have gone for dark oak. This had the
added advantage of looking good on my sideboard when mum and dad have finished
using it.
8 December 2011
Mum wrote her will.
Jewellery is to go to granddaughters in order of age. Everything left over is
to be distributed to all grandchildren in order of who had sent Thank You cards
over the years. I reminded her that she hadn’t always told people her address
when she moved so they couldn’t always send Thank You cards.
My mother has got
scowling down to a fine art.
11 December 2011
Took two friends over to
mum's to witness the signing of her will.
Mum was saying how much
she missed dad and how her children couldn't get away far enough.
Friend 1: But you have such a lovely son, to take care of you.
Mum: Silent glare
Friend 1: He is so kind and loving.
Mum: Silent glare
Friend 1: You must be very proud of your son.
Mum: Silent glare.
Friend 2. The first time we met him he gave us some runner beans he'd
picked from his garden. He's very thoughtful, isn't he?
Mum: Silent glare
Friend 1: Both my children live in New Zealand.
Mum: I have a daughter in New Zealand.
Friend 1: And do you phone her?
Mum: It’s difficult with the time difference.
Friend 1: Its 13 hours. If you phone her this evening at 8 o'clock,
it'll be 9 o'clock Saturday morning in New Zealand.
Me: Here's your address book, I'll get the phone number for you.
Mum: Icy glare.
Sadly, the only people in
mum's address book are my middle sister (who she’s not talking to) and her two
friends from Sidmouth (who have moved and no longer plan to visit).
Took my friends out for a
cream tea as a "thank you".
20 December 2011
Mum is in a black mood.
No one has phoned. When my mother says,
“No one has phoned” what she actually means is that my middle sister (yes, the
one she is not speaking to) has not phoned.
The rest of us don’t count.
On a brighter note, I
invited her to ours for Christmas and she declined.
22 December 2011
Am in shock. My wife and
I have received a Christmas card from my mother with a “Thank You” for all the
help we have been. She also enclosed some money as a Christmas present. My star
is definitely of the rise. I’ve possible even gone up to -95. Here we go, here
we go, here go!
25 December 2011
Took my daughter and
grandson to visit my mother. Her first Christmas without dad. Young grandson
did an excellent job lightening the mood.
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